Signs

Last night I attended my first Saturday night meeting. Thanks to the advice of my sponsor I have begun attending more than one meeting per week. He said that from his experience many people have accelerated their recovery process by attending more two or more meetings in one week. I took his advice to heart because he has been where I am at now. He has felt the same emotions as I have. And I am grateful to him for his sage advice. For last night my progress in my recovery process came into clearer focus last night.

You see last night I was able to discern that my Higher Power, God, has been active in my life far more than I previously thought. At last night’s meeting God provided me with a sign that I am indeed where I need to be. And the amazing thing is that through this revelation it was brought to my attention that I have been blind to the other signs that He has, through His wisdom, provided for me to tell me that I am on the right path.

At my first meeting the sign was that others have been where I have been. That others have experienced the same harsh reality that was our childhood’s. I should have seen this for the sign that it was, but because my thinking process was muddled and confused I could not see this sign.

Then there were the daily readings that specifically related to current ongoing struggles. Take for instance last week’s discussion of anger stemming from the reading from page 83 of Hope for Today. The discussion of anger was particularly timely for me as I was angry at myself for failing to accomplish Step One. Through that discussion I was able to better understand that I did not have a healthy method for expressing my anger and that I did not need to be angry for not coming to terms with Step One. It was not my fault that my emotions were preventing me from succeeding, that it was a defense mechanism that I had learned during my childhood that I used to protect myself from the wrath of my alcoholic.

Then last night the reading from One Day At A Time In Al-Anon initiated a discussion of Step One. While I believe that I accomplished this step Thursday afternoon, the topic was still relevant because I was unsure whether I had actually come to terms with it emotionally. Still I saw this as a sign that I needed to be where I was.

Today I understand that I still have a long way to go before I can say that I have recovered from my past. In fact I doubt that I will ever be able to say that I have completely recovered. However I can honestly say that I have made progress. And as long as God is willing I will be able to continue the process of recovering from the effects of alcoholism.